Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Now means now

My husband doesn't understand the word now. It didn't used to bother me, but then I didn't breastfeed every other hour before and now never mattered as much as it does now. When I'm hungry, I need to eat, now. So I get up to make a sandwhich, "Oh don't worry about than hon," he'll say, "I was going to make us dinner."
Awesome. Super sweet, and very thoughtful, so I'll start to clean up the house, or do some other item on my to-do list. If it's something he can help with, he'll tell me not to worry about some part of it, like putting away dishes, or taking out trash, he'll do that.
Great, very thoughtful. I love my husband. I'll go do some work, and he'll mention that he's about to make dinner, why don't we just eat together. Fair enough, let me change the baby, nah, I'll do that, I haven't gotten to spend much time with her today.
But before he gets started on any of that, he has to finish exercising, or fixing something, or studying. And before you know it, the baby wakes up hungry, so I go change her, and feed her, and while I'm feeding her he finishes dinner and I can't eat for another thirty minutes because I don't have free hands. Then I eat cold dinner, and he hangs out with my while I eat, and then we go to sleep, leaving the house to be cleaned up for tommorow, so then we have two bags of trash, and no clean dishes, or laundry, or whatever. This can go on forever! The kitchen can be full of trashbags, there can be dishes all over the place, he'll let the baby sit in a dirty diaper for hours and hours. When I'm not home and he watches her, he'll go the whole time without feeding her or changing her sometimes when he gets sidetracked, and be shocked when I get home that so much time has passed.
I love my husband, and I hate to complain, but when I need to do something, it's now. My blood sugar has been going nuts while breastfeeding. So what I should have done is just made my sandwhich, cleaned the house, and finished my work, and changed the baby, and then fed her. Then instead of stressing about everything I didn't do while my head is pounding and I'm getting a shorter and shorter temper, I'd be able to relax.
But then his feelings are hurt if I say no thank you. I've tried just saying, oh, I'm getting a snack or something, but he maintains he's about to make dinner right now. He doesn't get that time passes while he does stuff. It never mattered before, but babies don't wait. He generally eats twice a day, and never gets anything done around the house because he gets so wrapped up in whatever it is that he's working on. I can't do that.
I hate to say this, but I'm so glad school starts for him tommorow. Having him home completely throws my schedule. I know he's trying to help, but how can I turn him down without hurting his feelings? How can I get him to understand how this whole baby clock thing works?
She doesn't always eat every other hour, sometimes its 3 or 4, but I have to assume its every two. It gets really frustrating when we have to go somewhere. I'll get her ready, and fed, and while I'm feeding her he'll get started on some other thing that he just has to finish before we leave, and then our outing gets cut short, because the baby is hungry again, and my husband doesn't understand how that happened so fast. Clocks are meaningless to him, because it doesn't feel like time passed. I remember life being like that, it's not now though, and I don't know how to get him adjusted to the change

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