Babies, Babies, Everywhere

Both of my former neighbors had their babies this week. Bella, my husband and I will be heading to Atlanta on Friday night for a Valentines dinner at the Melting Pot (we go Friday so we don't have to buy the $200 valentines meal) and drop off baby gifts quickly. I say quickly because I remember how much I resented anyone entering my space for any length of time during my first two weeks with my daughter. It was very confusing because I was also grateful, so we're just avoiding that altogether by taking a quick peek at the baby, congratulating the parents and moving on.

Bella will be with us, but I think she's going to stay strapped in her seat to avoid giving the new baby germs. Though is she old enough for that to be a concern yet? She played with some babies at the library this week and had a blast (well until an adorable six month old stole her rattle, and now she's super possessive of everything she owns) In any case, Bella will me meeting her future best friend, and future boyfriend ;) fun times

I hate burping the baby

I love feeding the baby, I love how she curls up against me all warm and sweet, and that look of intense concentration on her face as she feeds and the way she moves her head like a zombie if she gets disconnected and the little noises she makes. It hurts sometimes, but after a few minutes she stops sucking, closes her eyes, let's go and falls into a peaceful slumber. And then I have to burp her. We've tried every position but none of them are what you would call unobstrusive. Bella ends up waking up and crying. Her pacifier never pacifies and she gets hungry again so we start the whole process over again.
The only thing worse... Is what happens if I don't burp her

Holding the Baby

It's amazing how natural it feels to hold your baby. Before I got pregnant I had only seen babies, rarely had I ever held them. I dealt mostly in three year olds at my preschool. Once I got pregnant, people kept handing their babies off to me "for practice". Not strangers, cousins who had recently had children.
Holding their babies felt strange and awkward. I was afraid I would drop them, and they seemed to be all limbs. Practice doesn't do a thing.
Holding my baby is like holding a part of me. She's warm and soft, and she curls into me naturally. It's amazing how different it is. It was instant after birth.
It didn't work that way with my husband. He was terrified of holding her, he was afraid she would break, or he would drop her. Now he's great at it, but that's one unique thing about being a mommy I guess. Your baby feels like you.

One thing I find funny is when people are visiting and you ask if they want to hold the baby (ok, I never ask because I hog the baby, if my husband asks) and they say something along the lines of "oh... I don't know, I've not held.. continue excuse here" and I say "Ok, if you're not comfortable holding the baby I'd actually prefer you didn't, so thank you for being upfront about it." They're expression is funny. I think the response they were looking for was for me to talk them into holding the baby.
It's like my friend who always tells her techie friends that she doesn't want an iphone because she doesn't want to be that connected. The next part of the "script" is for the iphone owner to tell her how great it is and show her how convenient it is and for her to keep protesting that she doesn't "need" email. When she talks to me about how she doesn't need an iphone, I agree with her that since she doesn't use all that stuff it would pretty much be pointless for her to have it, but as a business owner it worked great for me. Conversation dead.
I'm so mean

Baby in utero versus "real" baby

Here goes,
There's a big difference between the baby being inside my body and outside my body. Well duh, but seriously it's difficult to reconcile that this is the same baby. She "acts" different. Remember how I said babies have a personality in utero? Well I was wrong. I thought the baby who was in my tummy was hyper, and had an attitude. Loud noises equaled an angry baby, stuff like that.
Nope, my child is an angel. She sleeps and rarely moves in any way that could be considered hyper. Ive seriously got the most serene and peaceful baby that ever existed.
I love my child more than anything in the world. But it's strange, I feel like I spent nine months getting to know my baby, and when she was born she was completely different than inexpected.
So if I ever hear a naive mother talking about how they know their baby already while their pregnant, I'll smile, because at least in my experience, getting to know your baby doesn't happen until after you have the baby.
I love my baby so much, she's absolutely perfect

So they say...

They say a newborn baby can be placed on its mother stomach, inch its way (all by itself) to the mothers left breast, latch on, and eat immediately after birth. Let me just say not my baby.

I love my baby, but she can barely find my nipple when it's shoved in her mouth, much less if she's not placed at the perfect angle right in front of it.

She's so cute when she's frustrated though. I'll get all set to breast feed, and then I'll put her where she needs to be, she'll latch on to the white part of my breast right above my nipple (a huge accomplishment as my nipples and dark part of my breast are HUGE now) I'll detach her, and try again, she'll let out this frustrated wail, at which point my breasts will squirt her in the face, and she'll get this eureka look on her face, and go all zombie baby on my boobs.

Seriously, it looks like horror movie zombie attacks, only super cute because its my darling. Incidentally nothing frightens me more than zombies, but this is funny not frightening.

Seriously though, why did my breasts get all huge, and dark, and my nipples get even bigger if it doesn't even help my baby find the nipple? I joke about it but I'm actually kind of worried about her vision...

Busy Busy

I know I need to be taking it easy, but unfortunately company is coming again tommorow, and I have a very big day ahead of me. Bella has an appointment at 10:00 am, then we have to go to Atlanta for the swine flue vaccine at noon, then we go home, then my husband goes to class, I need to clean the house and decorate for halloween, and then we need to do laundry.

Friday isn't looking any better, but in a much better way. It's my birthday :). We have a morning meeting that couldn't get rescheduled at 8:00 am, and then we are all going to go to a birthday breakfast. Go home and feed the baby, take a nap, go to lunch (haven't decided where yet) then off to the spa for a relaxing massage and hair appointment. Then its home to feed the baby. Then its time for a manicure and pedicure , feed the baby, then leave the baby with my mother in law, and go out to dinner and to a movie. My husband has a present for me, and my mom sent me a gift card to a clothing place, so I'm very excited.

*deep breath* it's not exactly taking it easy though.

Pre pregnancy Weight

So today I decided to weigh myself. I look a lot better, not more huge tummy, and I'm not swollen up like a chipmunk anymore. Hooray, I lost 22 pounds! I'm back to my pre pregnancy weight!

I'm actually kind of disappointed. I was sort of hoping to be lower than my pre pregnancy weight :(. I know it's stupid, and frankly its a huge deal that I'm already back down to what I am. Also I'm breast feeding, so I know I'll lose more, but I had thought about weighing myself all day and just kept imagining the number lower and lower.

I want to lose about eighty pounds. Huge goal! I know, and all the books say not to even start trying to lose weight until about three months after the baby is born. It makes sense, I'm not getting that much sleep, and my body still needs calories to feed the baby. I'm losing weight rapidly (baby was five pounds, water was 2 pounds, uterus was 2 pounds, placenta was 2 pounds, and extra blood was 4 pounds, going with the lowest number for these I'm still ahead 7 pounds, which is about 2 pounds a week since starting to breast feed) but I feel so motivated right now. Maybe I should start making careful choices food wise and see how that goes. Nothing dangerous for the baby, but good for the baby. I won't cut back on the milk or juice or anything like that, just maybe less oreos.

Taking it easy

So apparently I've been doing to much. My body is sending very clear stop and rest signals, in the form of lots and lots of bleeding and cramping, and general feeling bad. When I called the health line about it they said it was my bodies way of telling me to stay off my feet, and do less. Makes sense I guess, two weeks ago I was pregnant, then gave birth. The next day I was up running around getting my house clean, shopping for baby stuff, and being a hospitable hostess. I felt fine though!

It's hard doing less. I don't actually do that much. I wake up, nurse the baby, take a shower, eat, nurse the baby, do work (all on the computer so it doesn't count as physical activity) feed the baby, take a nap, eat, feed the baby, clean the house, eat dinner, and take cat naps the rest of the night.

So cleaning the house has to go, since work can't, and feeding the baby can't. Instead of cleaning I now nap. It's hard not cleaning though, because my husband tries, but just doesn't get it done like I would. He's fine with dishes sitting in the sink instead of in the dishwasher (I wouldn't care that much except in an apartment that equals bugs) or not taking out the trash as soon as the bag gets full so we aren't pushing trash down in an effort to close the lid, or doing laundry before we actually run out of clothes.

What I need to let go of is that he does do everything though. He makes me dinner and lunch if he's home, and eventually when no more dishes fit in the sink he'll empty the dishwasher and fill it back up, he does the laundry every week, and he does take out the trash eventually. I need to relax, and get over it. I should be better soon, rushing my recovery won't do anyone any favors.

I love facebook

I love my family. Even though they haven't seen my baby yet (which is completely fine with me, I love them, I want them to meet my daughter, but company is so disruptive to my newborns schedule) they are keeping up with her every move on facebook. Yes I am one of those annoying moms who post photographs daily of their children. Mwahhah! I refuse to feel bad about it considering how many friends I have that post daily pictures of themselves either modeling or drinking with their friends every day. Nothing wrong with it, just don't complain about my million pictures if you don't want me to complain about yours.

Actually no one has complained, (but I'm ready if they ever do!) everyone comments about how cute my little angel is, and then they send me presents. :) Every item I've mentioned on facebook I've received in the mail within a few business days. Wipe warmer, bottle warmer, clothes in newborn sizes, (we had a few newborn clothes, but mostly we got 3 and six month outfits because we weren't sure what size she would be when she was born, size wise she's preemie, newborn outfits are huge on her, but I feel like actually buying preemie clothes would be a waste since she's already back to her birthweight, and next week will likely be newborn size) a swaddler, and hopefully *fingers crossed* a sling here soon.

I'm not posting in hopes of getting items, I'm asking if anyone knows of a good brand to get, and then bam, it shows up in the mail. Love it.

It's making my husband worried though, his family is throwing me a shower whenever I go visit them in Alabama, (they couldn't come to my shower, and felt bad, even though I completely understand not driving four hours to attend a shower and was not offended at all, they are insisting I drive my newborn child down there to visit them so they can throw me a shower. On the one hand that's super sweet, on the other hand umm... four hours is awhile for me as well. But we reached a good compromise, I'm going to go when I'm ready, and when Bella is ready. We don't know when that's going to be, but most likely in late November or early December)

anyway they aren't rolling in money (who is?) and most of these items I keep mentioning on face book are low ticket items, given that I post with intent to buy, and I don't have a lot of money. He's concerned that all the affordable gifts are being bought, and while he's grateful they are being bought he's worried.

Honestly we can do without presents at all. The baby got everything it needed at my first shower, now we're just getting novelty items, like diaper genies (courtesy of my husbands cousin) or wipe warmers, bottle warmers, and more clothes. I'm running out of items to even think of buying. Hopefully I'll come up with a few more by Christmas, so that I can buy my baby an awesome first Christmas gift.

My brother is visiting tommorow, and then next week my mother-in-law is visiting for a week, so lot's of company is coming through. But after that it is just me, my husband, and the baby until Thanksgiving :)

Time Management

It's sort of difficult to plan your day in two hour increments. Bella has her times when she's awake for an hour or so, generally between her 4:00 am, and 6:00 am feeding, and then she has her typical two hour naps, like from 6:00 am to 8:00, and from 8:00- 10:00, and then she has her random long stretches, like from 10:00 am to 2:00 pm. And it's hard to figure out what to do with my time.

When she's awake I want to spend time with her. I look at her, play with her, dangle toys in front of her face, dress her in cute outfits, that sort of thing. Mostly though we just stare at each other. She doesn't like to be put down while she's awake, and since it only lasts longer than ten minutes while she's not feeding twice a day, I'm loath to put her down.

I try to nap during her two four hour naps during the day, but then that leaves me doing things like cleaning, and work, and blogging at night. I can clean at night without a problem, but the computer is in the bedroom so working or blogging while my husband is trying to sleep is out of the question. I'm seriously considering moving the computer to the babies room, since I spend most of the night in there with her, but how ridiculous would that look?

It's already odd that our baby has a tv, cd player, dvd, and ipod touch, but we had those in our guest bedroom earlier, moving them out just because we had a baby wouldn't make a lot of sense.

Plus I've been told not to get attached to any one schedule, because she's going to change it soon. So what to do?

Breast Feeding Basics

I think I may finally be getting the hang of this breast feeding thing! I've been doing it for one week and one day, and Bella and I are settling into a routine, and my nipples are toughening up. I haven't really had to deal with engorgement. Sure my breasts get sore and full feeling when Bella sleeps through a feeding, but nothing like the books described. I'm either a super lucky woman, or those books exaggerate to the nth. degree. Most likely its a combination of me being lucky, and me being young, and not having to work.

I about quit two nights ago when Bella just kept feeding until she was due for her next feeding, and she was still hungry! I was out of milk, and thank goodness I had pumped some earlier for my husband to take her away from me and feed her. She of course settled right down.

Since then I haven't had time to pump, I've been trying to get back into the swing of things. My house is clean, my work is done, I eat and sleep on a regular basis, and the baby eats and sleeps on a regular basis, but that doesn't leave me a spare second to pump milk for the baby.

That upsets my husband, I can tell. He loves giving her one feeding a day, heck he'd do all the feedings if I'd let him. I'm nervous though because I wanted to have a reserve in the fridge and so far that's not happening.

The biggest difference in breast feeding was getting the position right. I thought I was doing exactly what the lactation nurse told me, but I was reading a baby book the other night and it pointed out the baby needs to be tummy to tummy with you. *head bang* well there you go. I was cradling the baby not putting it tummy to tummy. Wow the difference that makes!

Hopefully I'll be as enthusiastic about this tommorow as I have been yesterday and today!

Life with baby

Being home with the baby is so strange. When I was in the hospital, I couldn't wait to get home, even though all the books told me to take my time and stay as long as I could, because I would be longing for those catered meals soon. I knew that, but I also know my insurance policy makes me pay 20% of the bill, and I'd rather have a lower one, and I also know that my food is better, and that I like being home. I knew my husband would take care of me once he got to feeling better.

I'm still a little annoyed at the husband for being sick when we got home, even though he couldn't help it. It helps that he's as embarrassed as I am annoyed. I just gave birth and am walking around cleaning the house, and he's knocked out by a tummy ache? Ah well, at least he acknowledges that's stupid.

Anyway, being home with the baby is strange. It makes her existence more real to me, because she's in my space, not this unfamiliar place where strangers will come and whisk her away in the middle of the night to do lab work. Yesterday and today I pretty much just sat around staring at the baby, and it was great. I feel no need to do anything else.

On the one hand I know I should be cleaning, and cooking, and working, but on the other I should take a break, I mean if not now when? I made a point to get ahead on work so I could take time off once I had the baby, so why don't I take advantage of that? Instead I'm about to get off the computer, clean the house top to bottom because my husbands cousin is coming to visit, and then get to work. Something is wrong with me, because I just can't stop.