TV Rant

I didn’t have a chance to write yesterday. Not because I was in labor or anything exciting, but because my husband had a major test to study for a needed the computer. So I napped, and watched TV.
I’ve always gotten a little over involved in my television shows. I think it’s the consequence of having that English: Creative Writing degree. I know too much about plots and character development not to pick it apart. My common complaint is “I could have written it better.” Of course it’s unlikely I could have come up with the idea in the first place, but if the writers came to me I would stop them from screwing everything up.
I’m not full of myself at all ;).
Being pregnant has not cured this tendency. It has made it worse. I am now over involved with television shows, and commercials. Commercials bother me more than ever before. Like the e-harmony commercials where some forty year old talks about how his mom told him about the site. Who would think that was good marketing? Or the Olive Garden commercial where the mom and son go out to dinner and the son looks like a dear caught in the headlights the entire time. Of course there are happy commercials to. I have to watch the new windows 7 commercial every time it comes on, you know, the one with the little girl and the slide show?
But shows… that’s where I get way too over involved. I’m upset with Supernatural. I love that show, I’ve watched every episode, recently thanks to DVD’s, and I’m so angry with the character progression.
Dean is not being a consistent character. He’s all holier-than-thou about Sam’s psychic powers, when in reality his character is so Machiavellian that he would just be happy for a useful weapon against demons. It irritates me, and the writers of the show knew something was wrong, but they either couldn’t figure out what, or really wanted Dean to be right because then they wrote the psychic powers as a drug addiction metaphor. WTF? When has this ever been a good metaphor? Buffy? Nope… it sucks, I hate drugs in television anyway, and that’s why I watch this genre as opposed to say soap operas or high school drama. It’s why I lost patience with House.
So anyway, now Dean was right, and Sam’s a jerk, and “can’t be forgiven.” Um… why? So he used demon drug laced powers… Dean started the apocalypse. Their father had major parental issues, and their mother made a bargain with a demon. Every single character in the show has done something unforgivable, yet it’s no big deal. Sam kills a demon and now he’s a jerk? The forces of heaven, hell, and humanity were all gun-ho for killing Lillith, even Dean.
Since when was Supernatural so black and white anyway? The show was written in the gray. The main characters commit crimes and steal identities, but they’re doing good things, so it’s a gray area. The things they kill are all either human or were human once, but it’s a gray area because of mitigating factors. Why is this different?
I loved the new episode of House. My only nitpicking thing with that is House is too full of himself and too smart to fall for a woman who gave a mental patient here keys and got in the car with him. Lady! WTH? I could believe the whole affair, I didn’t like it, and thought it was kind of dumb, but the “Hi, we just met, why yes you can take my car.” Thing, I can’t. Women are trained from birth not to do something that stupid.
Anyhow, that is my tv/commercial rant.

So ready to have this baby

I am so ready to have this baby. I know it’s not ready yet, and it’s better for the baby if I wait until I’m forty weeks, and yadayadayada. I’m not going to intentionally induce or anything. My doctors may induce for high blood pressure, but that would be a legitimate medical reason. I’m just ready. My house is clean, my nursery is ready, I’m ready, and I’m tired of being pregnant.
I’ve had a good pregnancy, I have no right to complain, and I just want it to be over. I want to meet my daughter. I’ve never been a very patient person. Honestly the symptom I dislike the most at the moment is fatigue, and that’s not going to get better once I have the baby.
My breasts have started leaking, I think it’s gross. I’m going to breastfeed assuming there are no problems, but the whole idea of breastfeeding freaks me out. I’ve never thought twice about other people breastfeeding, that seemed natural, but liquid coming out of my breasts, it bothers me on a level that surprised me. I didn’t think it would, but go figure. Maybe when there’s a baby attached to my boob I’ll feel better about it, for now it’s just gross.
I’ve just been feeling so lousy today. I can’t sleep at night, and end up catching cat-naps throughout the day, and I have a constant sleep headache. I’m hungry all the time, but nothing is very appealing to me, and I swear everything tastes like salt. I’ve begun using pasteurized eggs, and I’m wondering if that is why. Meh, what can I do. At the absolute most I have four weeks left. My doctor isn’t going to let me get past forty weeks, they seemed hesitant to let me get as far as I am now. Could be any day now…

Irritability

I think my husband and I have done a fairly good job managing the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy. We quickly learned that certain movies and television shows aren't safe to watch right now. Oddly, The Twilight Zone, falls into this category. Seriously, try to find an episode that doesn't have a sad ending.

My husband has also mastered the fine art of avoiding me in the morning. I wake up, he gives me a kiss on the forehead, and then disappears, either to go to school, or to work out while I get ready and eat breakfast. I'm a friendlier person after breakfast. Mornings and I don't get along to well.

He's been doing great with the compliments to. I get thanked for making dinner, and cleaning the house, and carrying the baby. It's been nice, I hope he keeps this up after I have the baby. He's also mastered things that he didn't seem to get a few months ago. Like putting dishes in the dishwasher. He helps out around the house, does the laundry, and compliments me for every little thing I do.

Despite all of that, he still gets snapped at on occasion. Poor guy. I've fully freaked out on him about three times during this pregnancy. Once while we were grocery shopping (I hate grocery shopping!) he kept asking me if we needed more brown sugar, I didn't know, so he asked how much we had, I didn't remember, twenty questions about brown sugar later and I snapped that if he was that worried about brown sugar, spend the three bucks and shut up already. The argument that followed was so bad that we left without any groceries and didn't talk the rest of the day.

If he's done everything "right" he doesn't have a lot of patience for mood swings. He also has this annoying habit of blaming things on pregnancy hormones that are completely his fault. Like this other time we were grocery shopping (Notice a trend here? We should seriously not grocery shop together.) and he was taking his sweet time deciding between one type of soda or another, as he calculated calories, and caffeine intake, I lost my patience, and told him I was going to the baby aisle. He said he would meet me there in a few minutes, I agreed, and left to browse cute baby things. Ten minutes later he calls me from the car wondering where the heck I am. I got annoyed and told him I was exactly where I was supposed to meet him, he didn't remember we were supposed to meet, and got angry with me for "not knowing him well enough to know whether or not he was paying attention." Seriously? He did eventually apologize for that, but I still think in his head I was being irrational for being angry at him for being angry at me for not realizing when he looked right at me and said I'll meet you here, he wasn't paying attention.

I swear he has manms, he gets mood swings, gets irritable, the works. The thing that concerns me though, is that I'm so much less understanding about it than he is when I have mood swings. I mean granted, I am female, it is expected. But why does it irritate me so much when he gets annoyed at the computer because the printer isn't working. He's not angry at me. Sure he's yelling at an inanimate object, but why do I sigh and roll my eyes and make comments? Shouldn't I use the same common sense he does and avoid him while he's on the computer like he avoids me in the morning? Why can't I cut him the same slack I ask for (and get) every day?

So today as I stood staring at the kitchen he had trashed during his all night study session for a disease management class (the studying I get, the three am grilling of a steak, making of orange glaze sauce, mashed potatoes, and steamed vegetables puzzles me a little) I decided to cut him a break. I would not attack him the moment he walked in the door about how this one time he forgot to put the dishes in the dish washer, or wipe down the countertops. I simply cleaned, and when he got home asked him how his test went.

Wouldn't you know the next words out of his mouth were an apology for trashing the kitchen, and an offer to make dinner? I love my husband, and I'm so glad I gave him a chance to be sweet as opposed to attacking him. I know pregnancy is supposed to make you more emotional and crazy, but sometimes I wonder if it hasn't made me a little nicer? I feel more serene these days than I ever remember feeling before. We've had a happy marriage, but this last nine months we've both felt so much happier with each other than ever before. We've both been nicer and more understanding. I hope this isn't some weird baby euphoria that goes away after delivery.

Catching Up

Writing back in time is weird for so many reasons. I wish I actually had started my blog back in February, but frankly I was afraid to. What if something happened? I didn’t want my words haunting me forever, you know? I’m a lot more confident at 36 weeks pregnant than I was at five weeks pregnant, and I’m not afraid to write about it now.
Maybe the back in time posts weren’t a good way to start this blog, but I figure since I don’t have any readers at this point, they won’t hurt. Let me go ahead and get caught up to present day.

Personal Stuff:

At the beginning of my third trimester, I was still living with my in-laws, and would be for about two more weeks. I love my in-laws dearly, but I was ready to be in my own place. My MIL was sweet enough to throw me a baby shower before I moved to College Town USA with my husband. My friends came, and it was a lot of fun. I was sort of nervous about the whole baby shower games thing, but my friends and I are dorks, so we had a blast.
Our car was stolen… that was fun, thankfully insurance worked everything out, and we now don’t have a car payment, and had a little left over to buy a used car. Much to my husbands delight his grandfather sold him his mustang for our very very very very very low budget. I’m not very thrilled about our new car, cause um… car seat… mustang… it doesn’t work very well, oh and the minor fact that I can’t drive a stick shift, but I was unable to find a car in our price range that was an automatic at all, so my sweet husband decided to teach me the fine art of driving a stick shift.
Ten minutes later as I was sobbing in frustration because I couldn’t get the darn car to move forward in the parking lot we were practicing in, we decided attempting to teach me stick shift was not possible while I’m pregnant…. That’s the excuse I using anyhow, he still thinks he can teach me after the baby’s born… I’ve started putting away for a second car. I’m not a good driver; I’m not a confident driver, I have a difficult time in an automatic. It’s just not going to happen.
Then it was time to move! We packed everything up, collected our storage, and moved away to college town. Our new apartment isn’t anywhere as nice as our old one, but it’s not as bad as I thought it would be either. My husband did all the heavy lifting, and I made everything organized and pretty. We’re home. J It’s such a nice feeling to be in your own place. My husband started his new year of pharmacy school, and everything’s going really well.

Pregnancy Stuff:

Alright… the third trimester isn’t as much fun as the second trimester. In fact it gets less fun every week. My seventh month, I was thrilled because I stupidly thought, hey, this isn’t that big of a deal, then came my eighth month. It’s still not terrible. Other mom’s have had way worse.

Weight

So far I’ve gained about eight pounds. I’m trying to tell myself this is a good thing, but I kind of liked how earlier in the pregnancy I didn’t gain weight. My arms got smaller and my tummy got bigger. Actually I was thrilled. Now I look like a marshmallow. I was never thin while pregnant, I’m chubby. I’m used to being chubby, but it’s amazing how terrible eight extra pounds makes you look, and I’m only going to gain more.

Food

Eating got tricky. The baby is pressed against my stomach most of the time. When it moves I’m starving and have to eat, and then I do, and then the baby moves back, and then I feel so full I’m sick. I’m also back to that point where I’m really particular about what I eat. I pretty much just want bread, and very bland things.

Breathing

Breathing was really hard up until last week. The baby presses against your lungs, and they don’t get full, I knew to expect this, what I didn’t know to expect was that my exponentially growing breasts would be pressing on my lungs from the other side, making it not possible to breath. I was a DD before I got pregnant, I don’t know what the hell I am now, but I don’t like it. I’ve never been proud of having large breasts, in fact its always sort of sucked. I’d take a pair of cute perky c’s anytime. Big boobs= middle school hell, high school drama, and now inability to breath. Thanks boobs.
Luckily breathing got a lot easier a few days ago. I’m not sure why since the baby hasn’t dropped all the way yet, but I’m not going to question it.

Headaches and nose bleeds

I’ve never had a nose bleed before, my husband gets them, and he says the tiny bits of blood that dot my tissues every day now don’t count. I agree they are not as bad as his, but they suck. I’ve already gotten used to looking like I have Ebola when I brush and floss in the morning, but nose bleeds? I’ve never had an aversion to blood before, but now it makes me queasy.
The headaches aren’t bad; they go away with Tylenol and half a glass of soda. I know, I’m a terrible and selfish mommy for drinking soda, but I only drink it for medicinal purposes… the doctor said the amount of drinking is negligible, so I’m ok. They don’t want me to be stressed and they really want to make sure my headaches are treatable cause of my next fun symptom.

High Blood Pressure

Prior to pregnancy my blood pressure was 110/70. It slowly crawled up throughout the pregnancy and is now about 137/89. Big scary words were thrown around, but for the most part they just advised me to take it easy, keep an eye on headaches, and come in any time I feel off. No bed rest (yet) and I’m now far enough along in the pregnancy that they could induce safely if the numbers get to high. In the meantime I have to report my bp to them every day, and come in once a week for visits.

Insomnia

I can’t sleep for long periods of a time. Don’t know why, but I’m not fighting it. If my body wants to get used to sleeping an hour or two, waking up, moving around, and then napping for an hour or two, awesome. I’ll be better prepared for a newborn.

Sweat

I’ve been very sweaty and very hot all the time, which has translated into a really high power bill. That’s ok though, I can deal with sweat.

This is kind of scary. The baby is facing down and towards my back now, so its movements are harder to feel, also its running out of room. Consequently it doesn’t move as much. I worry all week, and then go to the doctor, and then hear her heartbeat and get reassured that as long as she’s moving ten times every two hours she’s fine. I know this on an intellectual level, but it’s hard to grasp why my baby went from moving ten times in ten seconds to ten times every two hours.

Yay! I’m caught up. As of tomorrow I’ll be posting daily entries, at least for the week days, talking about different pregnancy things, and my new life up here in college town. I won’t be posting on weekends, and I’m not sure what will happen to my every day posting once the baby gets here, but I’ll do the best I can :).

The Second Trimester

Doctors Appointments

There’s nothing that can really prepare you for your first pregnancy visit at your doctors office. On the one hand they tell you wonderful things “You are pregnant,” and let you listen to your child’s heartbeat and even show you your baby on screen, and point at its little beating heart, but on the other hand they take a lot of blood.
I’ve never had a huge issue with blood tests, my husband is fully capable of passing out at the sight of blood, but I’ve handled it fairly well. I’m anemic, so I’ve never given blood, but I’ve had a vial or two taken for my yearly physical before… yeah, this is more than a vial.
Try twelve various sized vials of blood. My veins suck by the way, so after a vial or two, I’d get poked in a new spot. They finally found a great vein to take blood from, on my hand!
After that visits are fairly uneventful. You go in, they weigh you, take your blood pressure, and temperature, and come in to discuss random bits of information every visit and ask if you have any questions. They’ll do one round of blood tests to see if the baby has any genetic abnormalities, and then you get to the fun visit, the twenty week ultrasound.
I love my insurance company/doctors office, but if they could just do ultrasounds at every visit, I would look forward to my appointments so much more. I love seeing my baby. The baby looks human at this ultrasound; unfortunately, my baby is human with a very specific set of likes and dislikes that it has learned to express towards kicking. Ultrasounds are not on my baby’s fun activity lists. My baby likes ultrasounds as much as it likes loud movies, barking dogs, my mattress, and fireworks, not at all.
We were able to see that the baby’s a girl (yay!) because all she was willing to do was flash and kick the camera. She very deliberately buried her head in my spine the entire procedure. We have some great shots of her little feet pummeling my stomach in an attempt to kick out the invading ultrasound camera thingie, but that’s about it for pictures, we have her but, and her feet.
So I had to walk around, move around, shift, and contort myself in fun ways to trick the baby into moving for just a second so the doctor could check on those pesky things like organ development. She’s completely perfect, and weighed/measured exactly what she should have at her twenty week mark.
One thing that shocked me was that babies are fast in the womb. She was darting around like a fish! I have no idea how they got pictures that didn’t just look like blurs, but it was amazing. My husband and I left the doctors office and went out to dinner to celebrate how perfect our little girl was, how active, and how amazing she was. It was unbelievable.
The ultrasound also helped us make a very important decision. Should we invest in getting one of those 4D ultrasounds, and having a little DVD, and lot’s of pictures to share, or would that just be wasting money? In our case, we opted not to get it. She made her preference clear, and we knew there was no way she would stay still for that adorable baby sucking on thumb picture that I wanted.
The next visit wasn’t as much fun. I was tested for gestational diabetes. To perform this test you drink something that tastes like the syrup used to make orange soda. Not orange soda, that’s less sweet, no, this is just the concentrated syrup. Then they take more blood, and then you find out if your diet has to change any more than it already has. Thankfully I tested negative.
When pregnant you call or go to the doctor for everything, just in case. I broke out in a really weird rash and visited, and had to be put on steroids to clear it up. I also was not allowed to use any scented products for the rest of the pregnancy. I stocked up on Aveeno soaps and shampoos, and my husband and I switched to Dreft detergent. So far, no more small red bumps, but man did they suck when I had them.
They started on my wrists. Little tiny red bumps that looked like heat rash, then they spread to my thighs, arms, and legs. They itched so bad that I scratched myself bloody. Nothing helped; I tried every remedy known to man, vinegar, oatmeal bath, and lotions, nothing worked. The only thing that gave me a modicum of relief was baby oil put on right after a bath. I would feel perfectly normal for an hour, and then the itching came back. Thank goodness for steroids.
One thing about steroids, if your doctor gives them to you prepare for super baby kicking. I swear she never slept for that five days, just kicked non-stop. Fun times


Pregnancy Symptoms

Kicking

My husband felt the baby move before I did. How many people get to say that? I was lying down, reading the latest Kelley Armstrong book out loud (my husband doesn’t care for reading, but he likes the stories) and my husband was lying next to me, hand on my tummy when he felt her kick. I felt her the next time she did it, and it was amazing.
It’s impossible to describe that feeling. It feels like those little things that hang onto glass windows with suction cups look when they’re being pulled off. Only it’s inside of you, and you’re the window.
My baby is so active, she moves around constantly, particularly at night. She typically does her aerobics routine between 1:00 and 3:00 am, I don’t mind though, it’s such a cool feeling, and if I ever don’t feel her kicking I get all freaked out and paranoid anyway, so really I’d much rather lay there and feel her all the time.

Weight

I didn’t gain any weight my second trimester. I was rather heavy set to begin with, and I lost weight my first trimester. The doctor was not concerned though; the baby grew at a great rate and was weighing in just fine. I think eating healthy and having time to eat healthy most likely meant my body was losing weight while gaining weight. Very strange, but nice, I didn’t have to buy maternity clothes my entire second trimester though. What sort of sucked was that no one could tell I was pregnant, but after hearing so many horror stories of strangers touching pregnant tummy’s maybe I should be grateful.

Complete lack of symptoms

The second trimester is kind of awesome. You find out the baby’s gender, you feel the baby move, and you still get fun cravings, but you don’t have aversions, morning sickness, headaches, or sleepiness to contend with. With the exception of the weird pregnancy rash, my second semester was completely uneventful negative symptom wise. If it wasn’t for the baby kicking, I wouldn’t have known I was pregnant.

My husband kept talking so much about how well I was handling pregnancy during the third trimester. Partially because I’m one of those people who read about feeling sick, and then feel sick, we were both very concerned about me being pregnant, because I’m a baby. So I think a lot of his bragging on me is just gratitude, but I’m careful to draw the line when he compares me to other pregnant women.
“Honey, to hear other people talk about being pregnant, it’s like it’s this horrible event, you’re handling it great. I think those other women are just drama queens.”
I point out that unlike most other women, I’m not working. The few weeks that I was working during my pregnancy were really rough. I think a huge part of the pregnancy symptoms (for me anyway) go away if you can just get enough rest. Also, lots of those other women have kids already. I’m younger, and I’m not them. Every pregnancy is different. I’ve lucked out so far, but tomorrow could change everything. Also, the second trimester is supposed to be the easiest. That kind of sucks actually, because no one takes women seriously during their first trimester because they’re “barely” pregnant. Well that’s when your body is adjusting the most. My first trimester, while still not terrible, was fifty times worse than my second. The second trimester was nothing. If any guys are reading this out there, listen during the first trimester, don’t brush off complaints. A woman’s body is going nuts that first few weeks, the second trimester its kind of gotten used to being pregnant, the third trimester is… special, but I’ll get to that later.

Moving

I’m going to divide my second trimester up a little more than my first, because so much more happened my second trimester. On a personal level, and on a baby developing level.

The first month of my second trimester was insanely busy. I had to give notice to my apartment complex, get everything ready to move in with my in-laws for a few months, and get a storage unit for all of our things, then help pack, and get everything moved into storage.
On top of regular moving stuff, we also had business moving stuff. I gave notice to the business landlords, gave notice to my customers, and had to do without employees after April 1st so I wouldn’t have to deal with a partial payroll quarter. Thankfully, without the preschool to worry about, I had lots of time to handle everything while my husband prepped for finals.
We cut store hours to just after school, and open weekends the second half of April, and only allowed crafts that could be completed that day. No more pottery painting. Our work-in-progress pieces were held at a friends shops so people could finish them (after giving customers plenty of notice) and we managed to sell what was left of our inventory, our kilns, our wheel, our shelves, and tables and chairs. Every item sold. We were actually kind of lucky. There’s a lot of other business that couldn’t make it this year that didn’t fair as well as we did, and no matter how sad it makes me that we lost the shop, I know that it really worked out a lot better than it could have.
I had a fun shower/going away party with my employees and friends, and when I got home I cried… a lot. I didn’t want to move, I loved my apartment, I loved my shop, and I loved my life here. Unfortunately life isn’t perfect, and things change, so at the end of the month, I turned off my open sign for the last time, looked around my empty store, turned in my keys, and the husband and I moved in with my in-laws.

I love my in-laws. They are the kindest, most generous people I know. I cannot thank them enough to taking us in for the summer. My mother-in-law is almost more excited than I am to have a baby on the way, and I liked the chance to talk to her and go through baby albums over the summer. I love her husband (still not sure if I should call him my father-in-law, my husbands father died when he was twenty, before he met me, but not by much, so he’s my husbands step-father, except I’ve never heard him referred to as his step father, just by his name. He’s super nice, I just have no idea what to call him, and it’s a sensitive issue for my husband. Will my daughter refer to him as Grandpa? Or just by his name? I have no idea…) he’s just the sweetest man I’ve ever met (outside of my husband that is) and I’m beginning to get along much better with my husbands youngest brother (now sixteen).
We didn’t get along very well at first, or maybe we did, and our not getting along was all in my head. My husband used to hang out with him a lot, and then we started dating, and he got promoted at work, and he started school again, so he didn’t spend as much time with his youngest brother. I felt bad about that, and partially responsible. Maybe it was all in my head, but I feel like he felt the same way about me, that I was in the way. Later, once my husband and I were married, and he would visit us over the summers, I was way less tolerant of any rude or immature behavior. The age excuse didn’t work on me, because he wasn’t that much younger than I was. My husband adopted the same outlook, where he used to brush everything off based on how young his brother was, and I think there may have been some resentment there. Now, at sixteen, he’s the same age I was when I met his brother, and I feel like we have more common ground. I remember being sixteen very well. It’s nice to get along.
The middle two brother’s though… I have no patience for them. They are both extremely immature and manipulative, they are 23 and 21 respectively, they both live at home, they both treat their mom like crap, and they both do illegal things that I just don’t abide by. One of them is physically handicapped, and I feel terrible for him, but that doesn’t make the temper tantrums he throws when his mother doesn’t buy him cigarettes and more ok. He’s physically handicapped, not mentally handicapped, breaking things when you’re angry isn’t appropriate for a five year old, much less someone who can legally buy alcohol.
My mother-in-law is nice, maybe too nice, because I would have booted them both out years ago. So while I enjoyed a summer of rent free living, and hanging out with my mother-in-law, and childhood friends (it’s nice going to your hometown for awhile), I also had to deal with police being called due to domestic disturbances as everyone downstairs screamed and shouted at each other, and broke things. My youngest brother-in-law, my husband and I would hang out upstairs away from the drama, but it was still very stressful. I was glad we were only staying three months.

The First Trimester

The first trimester of pregnancy was largely uneventful for me, but in the spirit of all of the pregnancy books I read, and all the pregnancy blogs, I feel the need to share what they don’t tell you about pregnancy.

1) Morning Sickness- Ok, so maybe they do tell you about morning sickness, but what they don’t tell you is that you don’t feel better after you’ve thrown up. You don’t stop feeling sick, ever. I can count the times I actually threw up during my pregnancy (thus far) on one hand (three, unless you want to count that week I had the flue, which I don’t, cause I didn’t know I was pregnant yet, and I really did have the flue). I felt sick all the time though. I always felt queasy, it just wouldn’t stop. For me though, it wasn’t so bad. Eventually I got used to feeling sick, and I didn’t really notice anymore. I adjusted to new patterns to help me feel better more of the time. Certain foods had to be avoided, and I had to eat the minute I was hungry. I had to get something on my stomach before I got out of bed, which was weird, but if I didn’t let myself get hungry, I felt a lot better.

2) Teeth- This was/is/will always be the hardest thing to adjust to for me. Being pregnant means your gums are more sensitive for some reason, which I can deal with, but it also means morning sickness. Sticking a toothbrush in your mouth while trying not to vomit… it’s not easy. I’m fanatical about my teeth though. I brush (twice), floss, and use mouthwash first thing in the morning and right before bed. I also do all of that anytime I get ready to go anywhere in the middle of the day, whenever I feel like I need it, and anytime I take a shower because I don’t feel clean unless I’ve stripped whatever may be on my teeth as effectively as possible. I had never eaten prior to brushing my teeth in the morning, but sadly, unless I wanted to spend every morning gagging over the sink, my routine needed to change. I had to wake up, eat a cracker or something, go downstairs, eat breakfast, let the food settle, and then brush, floss, and mouthwash. Even then, it was still a struggle to get that toothbrush in my mouth. Your gums bleed randomly, which also doesn’t help the nausea. It’s disgusting, and I hate it. I can’t wait until my teeth turn back to normal.

3) Cravings- I knew to expect cravings, heck I looked forward to sending the husband out for ice cream at three in the morning. I’ve had four cravings thus far. Olive garden breadsticks, a cookie, and a chocolate frosted donut at Krispy Kreme. Right now I’m craving pizza from a very specific restaurant. Cravings aren’t that much fun. I have to have whatever I’m craving. I will be sad and irritable for days until the craving is met. I wasn’t prepared for that. If I get what I’m craving, great, it’s no big deal, I’m happy. Otherwise… I’m not. When I wanted Krispy Kreme, they were closed. I was sad until morning, really sad, and irritable. I decided we couldn’t afford to go to Olive Garden, and pretended this was ok for days. I acted happy, but inside I was devastated. Luckily, my husband is an amazing man, and surprised me with a nice dinner out two days after I mentioned I wanted breadsticks. (He kept offering to take me, and I kept saying no, because we needed to watch our spending.) It’s strange being able to rationally say, “No, I shouldn’t eat this.” But being unsatisfied until I get it. It’s just strange.

4) Aversions- I didn’t know about this one. My first trimester I didn’t want to eat anything. Soda was gross (which is good, because I don’t need it, but oh, the caffeine headaches) I had to have bland foods, nothing with any flavor. It wasn’t that eating something else would make me sick, it’s just that I had no will to eat anything but crackers, meat, and cheese for three months. The good thing about aversions paired with morning sickness is that you lose weight. I lost eight pounds my first trimester. The doctor assured me it was normal, so I wasn’t concerned.


5) Being tired- I was always ready for a nap. Enough said.

6) My worst symptom. Spotting- I spotted a lot my first trimester. This scared me a lot. I had to quit my job at the preschool (well I asked my boss if I could work the hours I had agreed to when I was hired, as opposed to the new crazy hours I had been given when the other teacher quit. She said no thank you, you can work it or quit. I chose to quit, and now they don’t have a three’s class because the night teacher for some reason wasn’t willing to work 24 hour shifts, and got the same ultimatum) and told to take it easy. I think that worked out the best actually. I would have rather not been spotting because it was frightening, but once I got more rest all the other symptoms got much easier to handle. I didn’t feel as sick, I wasn’t as tired and my headaches were gone.

I visited my doctor three times during my first trimester. There are no words to express how much I love my doctor’s office/insurance company. (Kaiser Permanente, an insurance company and medical group, love them.) I was given a binder full of information on pregnancy that complimented the million books on pregnancy I now own. I love to read, and when something makes me nervous I read about it to feel better. The only thing I didn’t read was the delivery chapter of any one of those books. Delivery was not something I wanted to think about yet.

My favorite pregnancy books were Baby Laughs, and The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy. No one could tell I was pregnant unless I told them, so for the most part we kept the news to ourselves. My friends and family knew, and that was enough.

We made the decision to close the business. On the last day of my first trimester (April 4th) we announced we would be closing at the end of the month, and began to make arrangements. While this was a sad and emotional decision, once the decision was made my stress level plummeted. I had time to grieve my business, but life was easier without having to wonder if we could possibly get through another month without the business supporting itself.

I felt like I was at a turning point. All the pregnancy books said the second trimester would be easier than the first. I was nervous about the third trimester, but that was months away. Oh yeah, one other thing they don’t tell you about being pregnant….

Time flies until month 9, but more on that later.